Confronting Your Fear of Vulnerability

What I believe vulnerability to be:

My definition of vulnerability is just freedom.

I realize that the more vulnerable I am, the freer I feel. And it’s not about just walking around feeling any and everything because too much of anything is not a good thing, but being able to be truthful and vulnerable enhances your freedom. When you bottle up that vulnerability inside, you start and continue to dig a hole for yourself that you risk never climbing out of.

Why I think it is crucial to your life and your happiness:

It goes back to why I speak about therapy. I know so many people don’t want to go to therapy because they “don’t want to go to unleash pain” but what you don’t understand is the pain is now trapped inside you. You are living, working, loving and doing everything else you chose to do while just trying to keep your head above water because you have the extra baggage of unchecked emotions and unexplored traumas and experiences.

If I were to give an analogy, I would use an example Scott uses with a duck. Above water, they look very peaceful but below the water, they are kicking and swimming to stay above the water frantically.

That is a lot to live with day in and day out. Being vulnerable doesn’t have to always look like you sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with someone. It is also having the freedom, confidence, and trust to just be YOU with those around you. It seems simple but from a young age, we censor ourselves and hide to the point that most people are only experiencing a watered-down version of the real person in front of them. For many reasons, with lack of vulnerability being one of them, that person is worried about looking weird, sounding dumb or simply just not being accepted. Sometimes that also looks like you are quiet when you really wanna be loud, you don’t give any opinion when you know you have something to say or you don’t wear that shirt you love because somebody won’t think it’s as cute. These and countless other ways we block ourselves from being vulnerable and experiencing more full an enriching lives.

Now when we are talking about deep-rooted pain and trauma from experiences I believe you have to release the things that can make you feel crazy on the inside. People are so attached to the feeling that past experiences and traumas have given them, those attachments build up callouses. You don’t realize as the callous is being formed but a little further down the line, you realize that you have these callouses or blocks that are no longer serving the purpose of protecting your from some pain or situation but also blocking full expression of self and living a full life in other areas as well.

People tend to get comfortable in pain. More often than not people want to cope instead of change.

Benefits of being vulnerable:

The number one thing that I have gained from being vulnerable is the people who walk out of my life because I was being honest. That is the best present. So many great people in my life accept me for who I am. The thing that brought me down in life was people who don’t accept me for who I am, people who can’t accept my vulnerability and my happiness.

For example:
I know that it’s hard when someone comes out as gay and their family wants to disown them. That’s pain that you have to get through but if someone doesn’t like me because I’m gay, I’m like cool. Now that person doesn’t have to be anywhere near me and I can focus on the good people in my life who welcome me in my fullest expression of myself. In life, I don’t believe that everyone is going to like you anyway, so when those people identify themselves respond accordingly with your happiness and joy at the forefront of your mind. I have had to give friend walking papers because even after experiencing pains from their lack of acceptance and understanding they thought they would still have access to me and my life and I said no, that is not how this will work.

How amazing is it, similarly to losing weight, to lose the baggage of judgemental, disapproving people in your life. It’s freeing to only have the responsibility each day of waking up and being the best YOU, you can be.

1 comment
  1. Shaun T,
    I so needed to read this today. This speaks so deep to me and I am going through a situation and was honestly scared to make the necessary move. It is so true, people get comfortable in pain… took exactly what I am going through and put it into words and described EXACTLY how I feel. It is crazy to see that I am not as “crazy” about the way I feel. It’s emotions and situations I never dealt with. It is me deflecting on what the real issue is. I am telling you, this is what I needed to hear. I made the decision just earlier today to start therapy, to help me face a lot of what I have been through to get through my current situation and make the best decision for me. I wish I could take my heart and show you how much this blog hit home for me. I am reading and nodding yes, and just relating to this so much. Thank you for being so vulnerable, you have no idea how much you have inspired me. I want to be the best version of me, not only for me but for my three boys and I want them to be able to see that sort of strength in me as well. You are truly an amazing person with a heart of gold. Thank you for being so real and sharing your journey.

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